you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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