Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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