Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
