Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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