did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
