I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Who died my cat blue again?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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