I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
