3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i think i have herpe
just one?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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