I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
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