can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
