one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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