Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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