guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
