there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
