I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
