I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Are my feet made of real feet?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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