they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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