The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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