Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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