every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He felt like a one man threesome
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
