he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
