Can i not drive my cunt home
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
