he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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