She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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