Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
