I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
