found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
