Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
