Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
