Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
