As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
