I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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