Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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