i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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