I wannas sexs uuuuu
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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