I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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