Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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