It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
