i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
