So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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