oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
