the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
