we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
