I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
