i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
