I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
