Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
