if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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