I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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