That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
