The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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