Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
