How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
