She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
