There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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