i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
