I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
